As Time Goes By

My dear friend Diane passed away on Sunday. It seems like just yesterday that we were freshmen room mates at Luther College , our first time away from home, trying to act brave and "cool". Who'd have thought that September day over 30 years ago would lead me to this September day. I will miss her, there are memories that only we shared like our madcap trip across country to attend college in Nebraska, and twisting pretzles on a hot summer afternoon in Kutztown, PA. These things seem so long ago and yet not. Rest well my friend.
I found out this week that my radiation treatments will be done next week. I only have 6 to go and then maybe my body can start to heal and I can get closer to the long wanted bacon cheeseburger. This may sound crazy but I'm going to miss going there everyday. It's been a place of security, where folks knew what I was going through and were there to help if I needed it. I think I'm going to feel a bit abandoned for awhile. It won't be long though and I'll be back talking about what we do next. Preventative measures will start in a couple of months.
I'm hoping to go back to work soon too, it'll be good to replace one routine with another and this routine is definately less frightening. My only concern is that I still get so tired very quickly but I'll only be working part time and once I get on a schedule that should help alot.
My grandson is going to be baptized this Sunday, the kids are doing it here in the church that Chris grew up in across that street from our house. Wow I remember taking him to Sunday school when he was just a tot and now Rex will be part of that church family.
Many people have told me that think I should publish this blog. I would like to, with added comments as I look back. I have no clue about publishing except for self publishing and I think this would be too big a project for that. I want to share these thoughts with folks who are going through the same thing and also with the people around them. I've found comfort in sharing my thoughts and I hope I can help others. So if any of you know anyone who knows something about publishing or who might send me in the right direction please let me know. I know the story isn't over but I'd like to get a start on putting it together.

Value Your Friends

I got some very sad news this morning. My college roommate Diane is now in a coma due to complications from colon/liver cancer. She has been fighting this diagnosis for the past 4 years and it appears that the Drs. don't think she'll awake from her coma. Trixie , as I 've always called her is a person who exemplifies what " good people" means. Without her around I wouldn't know what 1/2 of our former classmates were up to, I wouldn't have 10 stories in a book I put together for the program I run and I'd never know how to twist a soft pretzel.

So here I am fighting cancer myself and hearing that my dear friend could be losing her battle...this totally stinks! I was selfishly looking forward to the day when we could sit on a porch somplace with a tall cool drink and swap "war" stories, now they're telling me this may never happen. Dammit!!

I know we all get involved in our own daily lives , work, family , whatever but our friends are the family we pick for ourselves so please let them know you love them and value them even when things are going well . It's never too soon to have that tall glass of something and talk about your lives even if they aren't as close as they once were.

Time Flies

Monday I went back to the Dr. to have him decide if I should restart radiation or wait awhile. He explained to me that with the type of cancer I have, treatment is time sensitive and if we wait too long between treatments it's like losing weeks of treatment. We decided it was beneficial to start again so we did. He said at the time I have 7 or 11 treatments left depending on how burned my skin is after 7. He may decided enough is enough and end treatment there or continue for the last 4. I'll know this next week sometime.

In the mean time I'm still having tummy issues from tech chemotherapy that ended 3 weeks ago. I had no idea this poison could hang around in your system causing chaos for so long. The tech at radiation told me it could go on for awhile yet. I have to say this past weekend was one of the lowest points in my treatment because I was burned, can't swallow anything but liquid and anything I did swallow didn't stay with me for long. I decided I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. But then I reminded myself that this part is almost over and it's only another week or so of treatment, and with every day that goes by I'm closer to getting back to "normal". And, what a good time I'm going to have eating my way across Watertown when I can eat something besides soup again !

Also I've been very concerned about my job and not being there and what was going to happen in the future. I went in and spoke with the director last week and I think we've come up with a plan that will allow me to work half time and the center is going to hire someone else to work half time. That way I can keep doing what I like but I won't be over doing it and the program won't suffer either. This takes a lot of stress away from me right now and I appreciate the way we were able to come to a solution that is good for everyone. Hopefully I'll be back to work no later than mid-October.

Have I mentioned my amazingly adorable grandson yet? No ? Well he is now almost 6 months old and is sitting up and eating oatmeal and all manner of veggies and he is the light of my life !

So it looks like we're coming to the end of this chapter anyway. In the future the Drs and I will be talking abot preventative measures like brain radiation ( Ugh scary) but that'll be after we've retested to find out if this treatment plan has been successful and that nasty tumor has hit the road. We probably won't know that til November some time so keep the prayers and positive energy coming !!

Stay tuned for the update as to when I'll be done cooking in the radiation room !

Too Hot to Handle

Last Friday when I went to radiation the tech said she thought I was getting a bit too red. She told me to make sure I kept cream on my neck and chest all weekend and she'd make sure I saw the Dr. first thing Monday.

I am a very fair skinned person and have a tendency to burn very easily, the radiation is very , very strong and she was right I was getting very red. Anyone who's ever had a very bad sunburn knows you tend to keep "cooking" even after you get in out of the sun and the same is true for radiation, the only difference being you can't use sunscreen when you're getting radiation. So as the weekend progressed so did my burn. When I got up this morning and had to wash off the burn cream in order to go to the Dr. I thought I was gonna die.

It's never a good thing when the Dr. walks through the examining room door and says " Good Morn...oh my gosh you certainly have a nasty burn going on there!" So I've been grounded from radiation until maybe Thursday, which is OK by me because it gives my skin a chance to heal and my esophagus a chance to heal too. It does mean I'll be going to radiation an extra week though, so I think that takes me almost into October. Oh well.

Yesterday was my first Grandparents Day. Chris and Jenny brought Rex up for a visit and he promptly fell asleep on my lap. There's nothing better than a warm cuddly baby to make the world a good place. The other thing I love is the absolute joy that I see in Chris as he interacts with his son, that child will always know his Daddy loves him no matter what..wow!

So I'm done with chemo, on a break from radiation, aside from the side effects it's almost going to be like regular life for a day or two. I guess I'd better not get to used to it thought there's plenty more treatment to come.

Autumn and Other Stuff

Labor Day has passed, I'm not sure where my sunner went, it was mostly burried in a haze of Dr.'s appointments and treatments. Autumn is my favorite time of year. I love the colors and the cooler weather and I love the apples and cider and trips to the cider mill. This year I'll most likely only be able to enjoy cider adn apple sauce but that's OK. Our local cider mill makes a great cider icey too. I'll be heading up there to get one pretty soon.

So, if I was dehydrated last week, I've been REALLY dehydrated this week. So much so that I had to go back to the Dr. to get 2 IVs of saline and electrolytes. I thought I was done with the IVs but that'll teach me! I do feel much better after the infusions though. Hopefully thata'll be the end of my chemo problems, although this last drug still has a hold on my system that it seems not to want to let go. The Dr. gave me better drugs to handle the constant nausea and they seem to be doing the trick. You and only imagine my Mother when for several days I existed on only beef boullion and jello !

So under the ignorance is bliss heading I found out yesterday that the protocol I've been following with the chemo oand the radiation is a one of the toughest there is. I had no idea, but apparently the drugs I was given and the length of ratiation are very taxing for many people. I must say until I got this last new drug that I wouldn't have gotten if the other hadn't become unavailable; my side effects while bothersome were nothing like I've experienced in the past 2 weeks. How fortunate for me that I was so much better for the first 3/4 of the chemotherapy and my sympathies to those who have a horrible time with chemo all the time like I have had the past 2 weeks.

So now I still have about 3 weeks of radiation to go (every day M-F). I feel like a "crispy critter" now, with my radiation induced mega tan. We just changed target spots so hopefull my already crispy skin will get a bit of a break, but probably not. My diet is still liquid and very soft foods, yogurt, soup, some macaroni, ice cream etc. I can say I would kill for a juicy bacon cheeseburger but it's going to be awhile before I can have one of those again.

After radiation is some, then we wait a month or two for everything inside me to calm down and then we see how successful the treatment has been. I think this waiting is going to be tough but I'm praying the results are good and I can get on with my real life.

Anyway, if you get the chance go find some beautiful fall leaves and enjoy the glory of nature. I'll keep you posted on what's happening here while sipping a cider icee!