Let It Be

Those of you who have been following along know that yesterday I not only met my oncologist for the first time and decided on a course of treatment, but I got to spend some time with my ex-husband who I haven't even spoken to since 1997 ( email is a wonderful thing) and his partner who obviously I'd never met.

Our divorce wasn't the easiest in the world but it wasn't the worst either. Especially when I ended up getting what I wanted :). My contention had always been the relationship between Chris and his Dad. As the years have passed they have managed to get things together and I'm happy with that.

Honestly it was probably a great day to see Scot again after all these years because frankly I had so much on my mind about the oncologist appointment that I really didn't even have time to consider what it would be like to see him again.

After I went to the Dr., Chris and I had lunch and then I went back to work to finish up a grant that was due. When I got home Chris , Jenny, the baby and Scot and Kenny were all just coming in from an outing. It was strange to see him in the house that we had lived in after all these years, but then again not so strange. I met Kenny who seems to be a very nice person full of happiness and humor and everything was OK.

Maybe I'm mellowing but or maybe it's because I've literally been hit with life and mortaility right between the eyes lately. March 31 my beautiful grandson is born, May 26 " Sue you 've got cancer" it's been an interesting couple of months for sure.

I think everyone has their version of the serenity prayer ( or should) or at least a way of stating their coping options. One I hear alot is " It is what it is" well that may be but in my head that sort of says : 'OK there's nothing we can do, it is what it is, we'll move on" it dosen't really show any kind of acceptance to me. These days I prefer " Let It Be" maybe it's the old hippie in me or maybe right now there are things I have to "let be' if only for a moment in order to move to the next adventure.

So I "Let Be" my past with Scot and found it was actually kind of nice to have someone to share childhood memories of Chris with, especially when comparing him to our beautiful Grandson. Facing what I'm facing, I don't know how long I'll be around to be the 'memory keeper' although I'd like to think it'll be a good long time.

So, it was a day to "Let It Be". Let it be time to get this cancer under control, let it be time to rest old hurts and let it be time to just be in the moment and enjoy life.

OK so I got introspective for awhile, I promise I'll make it up to you next time , one blog without a good laugh is enough!